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Cindy Snyder

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“As Seen on TV” Products That Do Not Suck

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As seen on TV

Back in the olden days when Amazon was just a snake-filled river, online shopping consisted of finding a pencil to write down an 800 number flashing on the television. This phone number enabled you to purchase whatever magical product being advertised on the TV screen. Hence the beginnings of “As Seen on TV’ products. On the rare occasion, I was allowed to use my not-so-hard-earned babysitting money and order something, it would invariably be a dud. Years later, walking through acres of crappy stalls of tie-dye, cheap socks, and fake watches inside the South Florida phenomenon known as an indoor flea market, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Right there, amidst the ugly bathing suits, I found a store filled with “As seen on TV” products. At that point in my life, with a newborn, a barely walking young toddler, and sleep deprived, I believed it was a mirage. Instead of…

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Random Thoughts

I Will Stand Up in Any Church Basement and Admit I am a Philadelphia Eagles Fan.

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Eagles Logo

Everyone has a war story about Philadelphia Eagles Fans. Yeah, yeah, your cousin’s husband was hit by a snowball, a bottle of beer, a pile of trash – fill in the blank- who cares? As we approach the team’s fourth try for the Vince Lombardi trophy, the muckrakers are yapping away about the allegedly worst football fans in the history of the world. The history of the world is a stretch. I saw the movie Ben Hur and have been to a bullfight. Raised by parents from South Philadelphia and Kensington, I come by my fan loyalty honestly. In these parts of Philadelphia, our blood isn’t Quaker-blue; it’s Eagle-green. Origins of my Eagles upbringing The Philadelphia fan base has a long history of out-of-control behavior, and I am in no way condoning it. Beating up a mascot and breaking his leg is abhorrent. Before the Commanders became enlightened, they had…

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Lifestyling

I Don’t Get Why We Celebrate Groundhog Day.

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I have a Masters’s Degree, climbed up the corporate ladder to vice president, and have kept two kids alive and well for almost 20 years, yet I can’t figure out Groundhog Day. I can’t wrap my brain around why we allow a little rodent-like creature to determine when to put away our snow boots. It is Still a School Day I am going to try to make some sense of this holiday. I apologize if I am offending anyone. Although, I can’t imagine who I would be offending. Groundhogs? The monopoly-men-looking dudes in top hats and tuxedos? What are You Talking About Phil? First of all, I never understand the outcome. It happens every year. Am I just a dope? When Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, what does that mean? When the overzealous news announcers tell us Phil saw the shadow and we have six more weeks of winter, I…

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Blog

Extreme Quirkiness of a Philadelphia-Adjacent Upbringing

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Philadelphia Love

Even though I spent my childhood in South Jersey, I come from a long line of Philadelphians, as long as Russian Immigrant heredity can be. As great as this metropolitan city with a ton of history is, the city is known for its quirkiness. The city has a cracked bell as one of its biggest tourist sites. Oh, Those Golden Slippers… My mother grew up in South Philadelphia, and although she possessed no love of cheesesteaks, she did love the Mummers. We spent all of New Years’ Day watching drunk men dressed in feathers strutting around the Philadelphia streets to music that still gives me an automatic migraine. Once I left home, they didn’t go away. Since my parents spent the winter in Florida, the only holiday present my mother wanted was to see the complete parade. With no Amazon, DVR, or streaming service, just a limited space VHS tape,…

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Kids

Spooky Halloween Tales Told Not from the Crypt but a Suburban Living Room

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Candy Corn

Halloween was never my favorite holiday. Mainly it was the costumes. As traditional a housewife as my mother may have been, sewing was not her thing. She had a super cool sewing box, with one of those cloth tomatoes that I still have no clue of their purpose, that I never saw her use . Making a costume was never an option. Those early 70’s store-bought costumes were flammable and non-breathable. They also were non-describable. Was I Caspar the Friendly Ghost or Mary Poppins? The mask that came with it eventually found its true purpose later for bank robbers and scary movie villains. The memory of spending a few hours barely breathing, blinded, and sweating in the un-temperature-relegated material that’s presently contributing to many a landfills’ toxicity can still trigger a nightmare. Witch Way to the Candy? When I was little, there must have been a ring of children-targeted bandits…

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Random Thoughts

I am Missing the Cooking Gene and Have No Meal Creating Instincts

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Fire Extinguisher person

As a skinny kid with big feet (irrelevant?), food was just food. I ate it. Not enough, according to my grandparents, but fast forward fifty years, and a shocking glance at my scale would quiet them down. Although looks were deceiving, my mother was a simple Russian peasant cook. Despite her weekly beauty parlor set hair, Estée Lauder frosted apricot lipstick, and Chico’s couture, her menus were nothing but old country. She did not pass along her love of cooking to her only child. Growing up, I saw the glass half-empty side of her cooking. The making of Gefilte fish, a Passover staple, is a biblical horror story from the murdering of the poor fish at the Deli to the odors remaining from the cooking of the poor bludgeoned Carp. Not sure if the fish-killer’s job title is Butcher, but that’s what he did with a hammer to the poor…

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Kids

The Kids Made it to School Alive, So Now What Do I All Day?

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WHAT DO I DO NOW THAT KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL

The best decision I thought I made was to quit my job so I could devote my life to raising my kids. That decision’s success is on par with my decision to cut my hair myself, sell AT&T stock a week before it split, and all the concert tickets bought in bulk, thinking I could sell at a significant profit. I can’t comment too much on my kids’ first few years as I spent them in a no-sleep, diaper-changing, formula-stained-clothes-wearing induced haze. Once they hit preschool, I spent my newfound freedom during school hours walking around Target. It was heaven. But after way too many purchases of Up and Up products that may still be sitting under my sink, I needed a new way to spend my time. Get a Job! The logical thing was to get a job, especially since I spent all our disposable income on unneeded household…

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Blog

How to Have a Successful Book Club Without Ever Reading the Book

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Book Club

There are numerous reasons to join a book club, but reading books is not one. At least not in my experience. Book Club is just a suburban euphemism for drunk women shooting the shit. When my kids were little, they stole all my sanity, so I needed a way to claim some of it back. One evening, a friend brought me to her book club. It was a bit bizarre, but there was hardly any book discussion. Since I hadn’t read the book, I could join in the conversation and enjoy the evening. Fifteen years later, my book club is still going strong. We still pick books, meet monthly and call our group chat “Book Club Beauties.” However, if we had bylaws finishing and discussing books would barely be an addendum. I may be an anomaly in these sensory-overloaded times. Despite all the zillion distractions from social media, phone…

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